What is Gender?
(This is my response to a prompt that was recently posted by a Butoh dance company, Burning Bones Physical Theatre, in Atlanta. Thanks for reading!)
I think about gender often. Redefining gender is an important part of progress. For each person, gender-expression is quite personal and will vary widely. When we attempt to define or categorize something as massive as gender, it is important that we remember that gender as we know it is a cultural construct.
What does that mean? It means that the things we consider gendered, are in fact agreements that were made by people in power, years ago. Those agreements were not made with our current cultural context in mind, and they are disempowering to many.
If we look at gender in the context of time, it has shifted continually from past to present. If we look at gender in the context of place, it is not even the same from one country to another. Colors, clothing, hair, makeup, professions…there is nothing constant about how gender is applied.
If we say, “all women are like this, and all men are like that,” I can instantly point out a time and place where that isn’t true.
So the question is, “what is gender?”
Let’s start with what gender is not: Gender is not genitalia. The sex organs, which live between our legs and in our pelvic cavities are not as simple as we might think. They often do not even reliably demonstrate our chromosomes (XX, XY, etc.). Having a vagina does not predict a person’s athleticism, professional interests, or even ability to grow facial hair! Whether a person is sexed male, female, or intersex, they will have both estrogen and testosterone flowing in their veins. If one hormone is introduced or another taken away, the impact on our bodies will be predictable regardless of what is between that person’s legs.
I ask again then: WHAT IS GENDER!?!
Gender feels like a set of norms that we societally observe. Often times norms are revealed when a person does not conform, then others respond with discomfort, rejection, and even violence.
Sometimes, the reaction is even worse if a person simply doesn’t fit a category, and those of us adhering to the norm don’t know what to expect from them.
The norm of feminine is soft, gentle, nurturing, pretty, small, weak, quiet, subservient, etc.
The norm of masculine is strong, hard, protecting, big, loud, dominating, and so on.
If one explores each of these words though, there is no trait that actually requires a certain set of genitalia to express it. A person with a penis could be shy and quiet. A person with a vagina could be strong and loud.
In Taoist philosophy the concepts of yin and yang are partially defined by feminine and masculine, respectively.
Yin is darker, receptive, quiet, and yes, feminine. Yang is brighter, creating, sometimes chaotic, and masculine. The moon is yin, the sun is yang. Before you get too clear on the dichotomy though, it is important to note that within the depths of yin, exists yang, and of course the opposite is also true. Every person, action, and thing that exists will contain both energies.
Masculine and feminine do exist within each of us. We are each wonderful combinations of these energies, fluidly expressing different vibrations from one moment to the next. Regardless of our genitals, we are all both yin and yang at every moment.
How freeing, to think of ourselves in this way, instead of girl/boy, vagina/penis. That model is so reductive. So limited. It traps us in pink shackles or blue balls and chains.
To me, gender norms feel like being stuck in a contract that I did not sign.
I will admit that I often identify with my feminine energy. Perhaps I am predisposed to express the feminine because my body invaginates rather than penetrates. Perhaps that isn’t so bad.
But what I will not consent to is that I cannot also be strong, bold, and powerful. Within the depths of my feminine is power. Just as within the depths of another person’s masculine is vulnerability.
As a woman, anger is not an emotion I am meant to show. Yet, I am angry often…and at the core of that anger is usually something soft and delicate. So we keep on looking within and finding the opposite….over and over again.
Everything is everything. Gender is imagined.
How about instead of defining gender, we just trash the word and let people be?
Lovingly,
Kara
